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| Aloha, and... |
Somewhere along the line, the word “but” and I must have had
a nasty argument. I can’t recall exactly when it was that I decided to ban the
word from my every day dialogue.
I vaguely recall coming to the realization that we use the
word “but” in ways that are compulsive and abusive at the same time. There is
the “I’m sorry, but…” and the “Thank you for sharing, but…” The latter of the
two, a former boss said with such regularity that the word became implied and
even when left unspoken, a harsh judgment.
What would life look like if there weren’t any buts? I like
to think we might exist without motive. Our urge to make excuses and disregard
an idea without really giving it time to settle might just disappear. There
would be implied sincerity in “I’m sorry” and “thanks for sharing.” We might all feel just a bit more
connected to each other. By simply replacing our “buts” with “and.”
Over the years, I have come to realize that I am a witness and purveyor
of communications. Most of it happening unconciously – as with the word in
question. But.
I’ve been making this very slight, yet powerful word
substitution for a long time. And not until I said it out loud recently –
to a friend who was sharing her frustrations – a personal story laden with buts
– did I realize this subtle and powerful change in my own behavior.
I could attempt to explain it. That the roots of my decision
to go “but free” are deeply embedded in all of my experiences to-date. I guess
I’d rather be grateful to recognize the shift, reveling in the possibilities of
And.
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